Celebrity Fragrances.

Why does Tim McGraw have a cologne? Seriously? And what does it smell like? Cowpie? He's Tim Fucking McGraw. WHAT DOES HE NEED A COLOGNE FOR?

I know why and I'm going to tell you. It's because he REALLY needs something to pose with.

What kills me is knowing that MANY people will buy that shit and douse themselves with it. Look, if chicks are buying pond water that makes them smell like Paris Hilton (read: rich kid who got famous making low rent porn) then why NOT Tim McGraw?

I'll tell you why. Because this shit's officially gone too far. Why? Why does this exist? Why do people need to smell like Tim McGraw? Why does Britney Spears need a billion different 'scents' when none of them are labeled "Crazy." I mean, that's PERFECT. How does that not happen?

It's Britney, Bitch!

She's not in control of anything. That advertisement is a lie.

But no, that's not even far enough. Leave it to Stan Lee to just ruin the earth. Stan Lee? Who is Stan Lee?

Excelsior!

Stan Lee is the head honcho over at Marvel Comics. You may recognize him from small parts in seemingly EVERY Marvel movie on earth. And that's fine. He's funny to watch, he's very charismatic, and truth be told he's responsible for many of the best comic book characters that exist. But he's also responsible for this:

Seriously. The Incredible Hulk has his own fragrance. Spider-Man has his own Fragrance. Captain America, who DIED, has his own Fragrance. Dear God, it's the end of the world.

Merry Christmas.

Also, I wish there was Ninja Turtles toothpaste.

Christmas Shopping. Wowza.

Christmas shopping is weird. I wandered into Target looking for gifts for my nearest and dearest Monday night and was surprised. NOTHING was where it should be. People just move shit around. Why is that? Is it REALLY that hard to put things in their place? It can't be! They are in the same aisle, just not where they belong and mixed in with other things and it really makes them hard to find. The chief example of which is the toy aisle. I was looking for some Monster Trucks. That was not a simple task. :\

In the end I found some things for some people and am going BACK out tonight. One thing I'm pretty excited about is for my cousin Anthony I grabbed a radio controlled...HELICOPTER! What the HELL, man? Those things cost, like, hundreds when I was a kid!

Don't those look SO awesome? I'm almost as excited for me to play with it as I am for HIM to play with it. That was procured at Toys R Us which was, surprisingly, in a lot better shape. They were also doing all they could to move the lines along swiftly. It was great.

Christmas Time!

I'm not going to complain in this post. Though I do have something to complain about that will no doubt appear shortly. This is all about the majesty of Christmas!

I love Christmas, I really do! It's my favorite time of year. It gets colder outside, everyone seems to be in a better mood (or maybe just me?)...My favorite movies come on TV, the music is great, I get to go out and buy presents for a bunch of people. I just love it, truly. I also have a birthday, but meh...I'm not even really celebrating that this year outside of a little get together with some coworkers.

I want to focus on one part of Christmas in this posting and that's the movies. I love them. ALL of them. The great ones, the terrible ones, everything!

My very favorite is a made for TV movie from the early 80s called "The Night They Saved Christmas." Art Carney stars as Santa. It's just perfect. It takes place in the arctic circle, a company is dynamiting for oil but soon learn their dynamiting is KILLING THE NORTH POLL! OH NO! So Santa and his elves befriend a family whose father works for the company to convince them to STOP IT!

Did I mention Santa hates Jingle Bells?


Oh it's so great. There's also the Santa Clause pictures, of which I've seen all three in theaters. You should at least watch the first two. :)

Then there's the bad movies...This weekend I watched Santa With Muscles. Starring Hulk Hogan. WOW.

Look at those muscles!

I mean, really, is there anything I can say? Rick and evil Hulk Hogan hits his head, gets amnesia, and wakes up thinking he's Santa Claus. In an effort to save the orphanage Santa With Muscles gets into a sword fight using weird electrical space crystals in the cavern UNDERNEATH THE ORPHANAGE and accidentally blows it up. AUDIENCE APPLAUSE! SANTA DESTROYED THE ORPHANAGE! Naturally he gets his memory back and decides not to be a bad guy and instead let the orphans, their caretaker, and Garret Morris move into his house. Why Garrett Morris? Who knows.


That's right, Hulk Hogan made the guy become his groundskeeper. Because that's what Santa does!

I love you, Christmas.

Kiss My Ass, Auto Industry.

I am sick and tired of private industry going to the US government trying to get bailed out when there business goes south. Here's an idea: Try and meet the needs of your consumers. The auto industry's plan for the bail out is to produce more hybrid vehicles. Look, hybrids are a good idea...But not the idea to go with at this point. People are flat broke. Hybrids cost more than standard cars. Stop pushing automobiles on people that they cannot afford!

Try bringing in more economic models of cars. American car companies have many lower cost models, but the US never has a chance to buy them as they are models aimed at Europeans. What the auto industry needs to do is create value-based cars. Hybrids are not a value. They are in the 25000 dollar region. What the US consumer needs in this economic climate is a car that is sturdy and will cost them under 15000 dollars. A car that gets decent to good mileage and won't fall apart.

Will it be easy? No. The industry is going to take a profit hit. But they can make more compact cars that are easier to sell, cars that don't need all of the perks that come with high end cars. What industry seems to be failing to notice is that they aren't the only ones hurt by the economic downturn. EVERYONE is, including the consumers you are marketing to. We're flat broke. We can't afford your 25000 dollar cars. So naturally you want us to finance, default on our payments, and lose our cars. Why should my tax dollar bail you out to follow through on that? If my tax dollars are bailing you out, guess what, I'm your fucking boss now. *I* am paying your salary. Meet the needs of me, the person who truly bailed you out.

And let's not kid ourselves: The government is going to bail them out just like they did the Financial Market.